From The Onion We have a list of alternate state mottos for New Hampshire:

Thanks to Amy for posting this link on her Blog

I bought some new tobacco today; Symphony by Mac Baren.

According to the package:

A very harmonious Ready rubbed tobacco dominated by the selected Burley tobaccos and with a minor part of virginia and the original Mac Baren Cavendish. In this blend the tobaccos are adjusted to bring out the slight natural sweetness and with the tender note of chocolate – which is found in all excellent burley tobaccos

I’m not up on my tobacco terminology, so I don’t know what “Ready rubbed” means, but I do know that it it does not mean that the tobacco is ready for smoking right out of the container. It does, in fact, need to be rubbed out, in order to loosen up the flakes. I smoked my first pipeful just after buying it at the Corner News in Keene. I found it mild-tasting, cool-smoking, and mildly aromatic, with a pleasant, slightly-sweet taste.

I was a bit wary about purchasing it, because it only came in a 3.5 oz container, which is twice the size I normally buy. I was worried that if I didn’t like it, it would be a lot of waste. I needn’t have worried though. This tobacco and thoroughly enjoyable.

. . . Pest.

Thats right, you heard me.  There is nothing more annoying than people who want something from you.  At around 4 o’clock yesterday, about the time that I start seeing 5 o’clock on the horizon and start thinking “Oh, man, I can’t wait to get the hell out of here so I can sit down and relax for a bit,” my wife calls me on my cell phone.

“Hey, honey, I’m going to be out of town, but after work you need to run over and pick up Eric, and help him move his freezer.”

I am at my desk, typing up some shipping papers.  I stop and ask the intelligent question: “Huh?”

“Joanne and Eric bought our freezer.  I need you to go pick up Eric so you can run over to Kelly’s, grab the freezer, and bring it back to their house.”  She explained.

“Freezer?”  I replied.  My mind is numb.  I vaguely comprehend that at 5:00pm, rather than going home and vegetating, I am going to be moving something heavy.

“Yes.  The freezer. . (static). . . over Kelly’s.  Joanne and. . . (static) . . . and they need your truck.  Look, I’m breaking. .. (static) .. . so just go over to Eric’s after work and. . . (static). . . , okay?”

My mind rages.  Foul!  It cries.  She broke the 2 Hour Rule!  Whenever I’m supposed to do something after work, she is supposed to give me a 2 Hour warning so I can adjust my bio-rhythmical thingys.  I decide to tell her exactly what I think of her little request.  “Okay.”  I reply.  “I’ll be there.”

Gah. . . that didn’t come out right.

So, after work, I put on my best “You owe me big-time” face and headed over to Kelly’s (it turns out I didn’t need to pick Eric up, since he was going to meet me there).  Kelly apparently wasn’t in on this little plan because when we got there, nobody was home.  I stared at Eric.  Eric stared at me.  I felt a Brokeback Mountain moment coming on, so I broke the tension:  “Lets see if the back door is open.” (I visibly winced, realizing that didn’t help the moment, but it got us moving).

Fortunately, the back door was, indeed, unlocked, so in the spirit of “what’s a little larceny between friends.”  We entered our friend’s house without permission, loaded the freezer onto the truck, and drove the 15 miles to Eric and Joanne’s place.  We unloaded it and I said goodbye without ceremony and headed home.

Ahhhhh. . . Time for laziness.

Research Definitions

The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are defined below for your enlightenment. They are adapted from ‘A glossary for research reports, by C. D. Graham, Jr., which appeared in Metal Progress, Vol. 71, No. 5, May. 1957. Graham had evidently read too many scientific papers by the time he composed this clever compilation.

PHRASE: “it has long been known…”
DEFINITION: I haven’t bothered to look up the original reference.

PHRASE: “Of great theoretical and practical importance…”
DEFINITION: Interesting to me.

PHRASE: “While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions…”
DEFINITION: The experiment didn’t work out, but I wanted to publish anyway.

PHRASE: “Extremely high purity”
DEFINITION: Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier.

PHRASE: “Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study.”
DEFINITION: The results on the others didn’t make sense and were ignored.

PHRASE: “Accidentally stained during mounting”
DEFINITION: Accidentally dropped on the floor.

PHRASE: “Handled with extreme care during the experiments”
DEFINITION: Not dropped on the floor.

PHRASE: “A fiducial reference line on the specimen”
DEFINITION: A scratch.

PHRASE: “Although some detail have been lost in reproduction, it is clear from the original micrograph that…”
DEFINITION: It is impossible to tell from the original micrograph.

PHRASE: “Typical results are shown”
DEFINITION: The best results are shown.

PHRASE: “Correct within an order of magnitude”
DEFINITION: Wrong.

PHRASE: “It is believed that…”
DEFINITION: I think…

PHRASE: “It is generally believed that…
DEFINITION: A couple of other guys think so too.

PHRASE: “It might be argued that…”
DEFINITION: I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it.

PHRASE: “It is clear that much additional work will be required for a complete understanding of…”
DEFINITION: I didn’t understand it.

PHRASE: “Thanks to Joe Glotz for assistance with the experiment, and to John Doe for valuable discussions.”
DEFINITION: Glotz did the work, and Doe explained what it meant to me.

This material borrowed directly from Reactive Reports 

Now you know the awful truth about me.  The below table shows where I stand in relation to the [tag]Seven Deadly Sins[/tag].  (I really thought Lust would have rated higher).

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Thanks to Helen over at Just Playin’ for the link to this.  Fun Fun!

According to This news report, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is under fire from some in the irish community. Apparently, the name of the new Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is “Black and Tan”. Now, for those of you who grew up with any kind of “Irish Pub” nearby, you know that a Black and Tan is a beer drink, the classic being Bass Pale ale and Guiness. Naturally, the Ben & Jerry’s group decided to dedicate their “Black and Tan” Ice cream to the Irish, just as every American-Irish pub dedicates their Black and Tan beer to their Irish cousins.

Well, little known to myself (and probably thousands of pub owners throughout this country and others) the term Black and Tan is actually offensive to the Irish.

Huh?

Thats right, you insensitive cretins. The Black and Tans were a British Militia who were active during the Irish fight for independence back in the 1920′s. They were known for their violence and cruelty. To this day, the Black and Tans are remembered with contempt by those in the Republic of Ireland.

Normally when this sort of news story breaks, I just sigh and keep my mouth shut. But i’m Irish American, and its time to speak up.. .

Someone needs to have a big tall glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’m not trying to minimize the pain of what happened nearly a centurey ago. But this was OBVIOUSLY an honest mistake. Does anyone really think that a corporation is going to deliberately piss off an entire nation out of complete callousness, and without any business justification?

It was a mistake. And it was an honest mistake. I’m not saying that just because it was Ben & Jerry’s and I like Ben & Jerry’s. I’m saying that it would make NO SENSE for them to have done it deliberately. It wasn’t done out of callous ignorance, either. With every Irish pub in the country advertising “Black and Tans”, who would have guessed it was offensive to the Irish?