Tonight, Original Cindy and I are having a party. We shipped the kids off somewhere (I can’t remember. . . its somewhere around nearby I think), we bought some alcoholic beverages, and made lots of yummy foods.

There will be three couples and a single. Our plan — that is to say, its Cindy’s plan and I got to say “yes” — is to do some Playstation Karaoke and then get completely innoculated and falling down drunk.

There will be pictures. Hehehe. . .

Fair-skinned folk can rejoice. According to a report in ScienceNOW: Better Tanning Through Chemistry — ScienceNOW, There may be a way to get a real tan using chemistry.

Right now there are a number of fake-tan products on the market. Unfortunately, they all simply dye the skin, and can make you look like some weird, orange-skinned freak. However, in this latest study (which, disturbingly, involved shaved, mutated, mice), the “stuff” chemically alters your skin to provide the identical end-result of having an actual tan — And without the skin cancer.

Well, thats it folks, the cats out of the bag. Apparently, lots of men who are married, who love their wives, and who insist they are straight, are actually running around with other men.

According to a new study (ABC News: It’s Not ‘Straight’ or ‘Gay,’ It’s What You’ve Done) 10 percent of men who were married and who identified themselves as straight also claimed to have had sex with a man in the last 12 months.

The lesson? If you are a married woman, and you suspect your guy is cheating on you, consider going beyond the usual — sniffing his clothes for perfume, checking his collar for lipstick, etc. The best tactic, as this study shows, is to have a friend call your husband anonymously and pretend to be a conducting a scientific study. Things that a guy wouldn’t tell his best friend (unless he’s sleeping with his best friend, I suppose. . . ) he will cheerfully spit out to an anonymous caller claiming to be conducting a poll or survey.

Humans are so weird.

Yarr!

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day

Lets start with a fun little commercial for ABC Network’s Wife Swap — With PIRATES!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqw7_g4s5xY

And of course:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

For more fun, any comments to this post will AUTOMATICALLY be translated into pirate-talk! Shiver me Timbers! Make a comment, and tell us how YOU are going to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Blog Free or Die! is less than a month away. There’s still time to find a babysitter and reschedule your Tupperware party.

Come join the fun at The Common Man in Concord on October 14. Don’t make me send Chuck out to get you!

Yarr! Its that time of year again, people! Tuesday, September 19th, is Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Talk Like a Pirate Day

For added fun, all comments to this post will be AUTOMATICALLY translated into pirate-talk, thanks to This Neat WordPress Plugin. Give it a try — Type in a comment!

Yarr!