Tue, 24 Oct 2006 at 12:08 am
Element 118 (currently unnamed, but now called Ununununaoctoninactium — from the latin “10 billion dollars per atom”) has almost certainly been created in the laboratory by scientists.
Creating the elusive element required scientists to bombard unstable, radioactive, Californium-249 atoms with Calcium-48 ions for two months. Finally, after two months of painstaking work and analysis, the experiment probably produced 3 atoms of Element 118 that lasted less than a millisecond.
Since the element had a life-span shorter than the Swift Boat Veterans for Justice after the 2004 election, scientists could not observe the elements directly.
Says Jason Emory, of the Mount Livermore Nuclear Laboratory and Grill: “We can detect the decay sequences with a special device. . . that. . that detects decay sequences” Pausing to clear his throat, he continues, “By working backward through the decay sequence, we are reasonably certain we created element 118.”
His colleague, Dr. Ivan Nostrovski of the Chernobyl Memorial Radioctive Cement Block High-Energy Lab, stresses how relatively positive they are that they have succeeded. Gesturing broadly at the decay chart, Dr. Nostrovski explains. “Element 118 first decayed into element 116, then into element 114. That decayed into element 112, which split into two roughly equal pieces.”
“It was really cool.” Added Dr. Nostrovski.
Diagram shows the decay remnants of Element 118 (probably)
ESC Says:
October 24th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
I think I see my 2D gel in there somewhere…
Alex Says:
October 24th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
As a student of the history of philosophy, I normally just try to incorporate my coffee stains, and such, as elements of my thesis. A representation of matter and void, via coffee and paper, if you will.
TJ Says:
October 25th, 2006 at 6:22 am
ESC: You have a 2D gel? thats how you got your hair to look so flat? Baha! just kidding. Hey, are you going to publish your paper online when its all done?
Alex: Friggin’ philosophy students. The coffee stains represent your most likely career of Starbucks Barista when you graduate.
Alex Says:
October 29th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
No, I’m a grad student. I have a cushy job in acedemia just waiting for me.
TJ Says:
October 29th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
Alex: Fine. Friggin’ academicians. . .
I can’t think of anything derogatory to say just now, but when I do, it’ll be scathing.